Several years ago I spoke at a prayer conference at Ridgecrest Baptist Conference Center. I focused in part on treating youth as young men and young women capable of significant spiritual challenges including praying God-sized prayers. A lady came to speak to me afterword. This woman obviously saw herself as quite spiritual. She proceeded to throw her student pastor under the bus, complaining about his failure to help her 15 year old son grow spiritually. Since he was not there (and since I teach young men and God and tend to be a little protective of them, honestly), I proceeded to turn to Deuteronomy 6:4-9. I showed her how she and her husband, not a student pastor in particular or the church in general, had primary responsibility in the spiritual growth of her son. The church would certainly play a role, but she and her husband should focus on teaching her son the things of God, and tell her student pastor he would be able to focus more on reaching students who were not believers instead. That was not the answer she wanted! But I am sure it was what she needed.
The family has been rightfully one of the most common points of emphasis in the modern church. Seminars, parenting training videos, books, sermon series, and a litany of parachurch ministries have at various levels focused on the family. This is right and good. But I believe a vital element has been missing from most of these. Over the past few years I have asked my students how many remember their church hosting any of the above–marriage retreat, etc, or a sermon series on the home. Virtually all recall such a focus. Then I asked, “how many of you recall an emphasis in these events or resources which specifically dealt either with evangelizing your children, or with raising children in the Christian home to become Great Commission Christians?” Very few. I think we would agree that nothing matters more to Christian parents than their children become passionate followers of Christ. Yet we hardly ever talk about that in the church. And raising children with a focus on the Great Commission seems about as common as a lemonade stand in the Sahara Desert. I believe part of the reason for this stems from the institutionalism in our churches, as if evangelizing children was the job of the church rather than parents. Perhaps it is also because we assume parents will do this.
The Scripture gives clear guidelines to Christian parents regarding the importance of raising children not only to love and follow God, but also to share the gospel with others. We see the heart of this in Deuteronomy 6:4-9; this passage is the most quoted in the New Testament. We see no segregation by Jesus in the Great Commission (it is not for “adults” only). While ceremonial laws and certain customs passed away from the Old Testament to the New, this passage endures. In fact, Jesus called the truth in this passage “the Great Commandment.” We would do well to teach this truth and to follow the pattern in our homes we see described in these verses.
Being a parent must be the most exciting, and frightening, and inspiring, and upsetting, and amazing, and routine, and joyful, and at times sorrowful–experience in life. I spend much time with youth. Many of them do not have a close relationship with parents. Many have hardly ever seen a family who loves each other. I have yet to meet a young lady who longs to look back at age 45 and describe her life like this: three divorces, two kids by two different men, neither of whom will pay child support. So many would rather break the cycle. A gospel-centered home is the cure!
If you are a parent, how will you leave a legacy to your children that will lead the generations following to love God? Look at Deuteronomy 6.
Demonstrate Godliness–Moses is addressing parents and adults when he gives this message. “Listen, Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is One. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” This, the Greatest Commandment as Jesus deemed it, should be central in any Christian home.
In your decisions as a family to you seek first to listen to God? Does your family put following what God says above all else? If so, does a passion for the lost have a central part in your home? Do we sometimes miss the centrality of loving God above all when we tell our children to get a good education, good job, but fail to place as much emphasis on hearing and loving God? Do we affirm in our teaching and our living that there is only one God, and only one way to have a right relationship with that God? We bought the home we have currently with this in mind. We sought a home that 1) was in a neighborhood of folks not actively churched (and we have great neighbors!) 2) was designed to help focus on being together–large great room with TV, computer all there. Our children spent little time in their middle/hs years in their rooms because we designed a house to keep us together.
Educate in Godliness. Verses 6-9 tell us the responsibility of parents:
“These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
We have developed an institutional mindset in the church that has compartmentalized our lives. The notion that spiritual training is primarily the job of the church, and in particular with teens the task of the student pastor, is exactly what the Scripture does NOT teach. This passage puts the spiritual training of a child squarely on the shoulders of parents. We are to instruct them, literally “sharpen the knife,” and live truth before them. How does this look practically? It certainly involves active participation in a gospel-centered local church. It includes imparting a vision for the salvation of both the neighbors and the nations. I like to think about this passage in this way:
“These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart”–my children should see me spending time in God’s Word, actively sharing my faith, and demonstrating Christlike character daily. That includes family worship, family discussions, and family participation in the local church.
“Repeat them to your children”–I should be instructing my children, particularly when young, about the things of God. I should help them see how to live out a biblical worldview, making decisions in all arenas of life from a biblical perspective. I should not raise them to be faithful citizens in a religious subculture, but to see all of creation through biblical eyes.
“Talk about them when you sit in your house”–Family mealtime provides a great avenue for teaching everything from civility to life lessons. Shared activities with children provide further opportunities for instruction. Research has shown the significant impact of regular family meals. This is a huge value to me. We do not talk about Jesus to others because we do not talk about Him much in our homes.
“When you walk along the road”-The church and the home are not the only places to learn how to live and share Christ. Our activities, from talking to the waitress at the restaurant to being courteous at the mall, help to show how to live out our faith rather than compartmentalizing it in the confines of our house and the church house. In addition, talking to our neighbors about things that matter help children see the world through missionary eyes.
“When you lie down and when you get up”–Bedtime, especially for younger children, provides a great time for prayer and instruction in spiritual things.
Sit at the end of the best a little longer and remind them of spiritual things. Praying together is important. One Lifeway study showed that 88% of Christian families prayed together ever regularly. We can hardly complain about prayer being taken from the public schools if we are not praying in our Christian homes.
“Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates”–I suppose this could include Christian symbols and expressions at our homes, but more than that it is vital that we incorporate the gospel into every fabric of our lives. Our interaction with our neighbors should bring glory to God and communicate Christ to those who need Him. We need to do a lot more than buy our children “Christian” t-shirts.
Take a moment and think: What is the place of the Great Commission in your home? Not only in your rhetoric but also in the way you live your life before your children? The greatest missionary force in America today sleeps in our bedrooms. Let us equip them and engage them now.
NOTE: the above is adapted from my new book Evangelism Handbook: Biblical, Spiritual, Intentional, Missional (B&H, 2009). For more study see Alvin Reid, Raising the Bar (Kregel, 2004) and the study I did for the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention, Inheritance: Passing Down a Legacy of Faith to Our Children (go to
http://www.planetstudents.org/PS_inheritance.php)
