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“Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.”
- Aristotle

            The past few weeks I have enjoyed time with some great old friends. Well, not TOO old, but long time friends for sure.  I spend a weekend in Louisiana with John Avant and his wife Donna. Staying at their house, worshiping at the great First Baptist Church of West Monroe, and ministering with John all blessed me. Top that off with a great time of ministry with my friends Brent, Joshua, Chris, Jason, and Jamie in the Common Ground Band on a Sunday evening, and the weekend was choice indeed. 

            This past weekend I took Hannah, our 14 year old,  to Nashville, TN, where we suffered at the amazing Opryland Hotel.  My parents came up to spend a little time spoiling Hannah, and I had the rare honor of preaching at the Missions Conference at Two Rivers Baptist Church, where my friend and mentor Jerry Sutton serves. What a delight to spend time with Jerry and Fern. Michelle and I were members at the Wedgwood Baptist Church in our seminary days where Jerry served as pastor. Between those two visits I caught up my long time friend Ron Barker who came to see me at Clemson University.  In the case of John, Ron, and Jerry, all these friendships have existed for anywhere from twenty to twenty-five years.

            Friendships are great. Lasting, long term friendships are better. If you are young, remember this: when you pick your friends, you pick your future. How tragic it is for me to recall young people I know who were on fire for Jesus, only to shipwreck their faith by making poor choices in friendship, often with friends who claimed to be followers of Christ but who turned out to love the world more than Jesus. Over the years God has blessed me with friends who last; friends who challenge my faith; friends who believe in me.

            I remember being a young seminarian, basically ignorance on fire. Michelle began to work at Wedgwood, and I began to spend time with Jerry.  He saw something in me, and believed in me. He made time for me. His influence on my life’s trajectory has been huge.  Thanks, Jerry, for believing in me.  John Avant and a few others walked with me in the PhD program, where out friendships forged on the anvil of academia.  Ron Barker and I grew as friends through our work nationally in the field of evangelism. But more than that, our hearts merged in the heat of a real passion for God.  I would not be anything close to the person I am today without such friends. All of these men have had their share of difficulty and challenges in ministry as have I.  All have remained focused on Christ, as I have tried to do.  Difficulty only galvanizes real friendships.

            You would do well to be careful in your friendships, both of the same sex and the opposite sex. I often tell youth I married my best friend.  We have been married now over 26 years. Michelle has been and will be my companion for life.  Be wary of fleeting friendships that can sink your soul into the abyss of mediocrity or compromise.  Seek those friends who will push you Godward.

            Aristotle said alot of interesting things.  He has been a mentor to me though he lived long before me. His words: “that which we learn with delight we never forget,” have framed my approach to teaching for years.  But it is his Nichomachaen Ethics that has encouraged me to think carefully about friends.  Aristotle observed three kinds of friendships.  We see them all around us today. The first is a friendship of utility. In other words, we become friends with some because there is a usefulness to the friendship. If you work next to someone, or have a new roommate you will share the dorm room with, it makes sense to be their friend rather than their enemy. But such friendships rarely move deeper, and when the reason for the friendship vanishes (job change, dorm change, etc), the friendship typically goes with it. 

            Second, there is a friendship of pleasure.  Aristotle observes that we do not become friends with witty people because of their character, but because they make us smile.  And so some young people look for the person of their dreams based on the superficial quality that they are funny. Now, I would not encourage you to marry a killjoy, but someone who is funny must have more going for them than a quick wit if you want to spend the rest of your life with them!  The sad reality is that many young people today base relationships with friends on sarcasm.  Sarcasm has become a chief source of conversation today, and that is tragic. If all you have is sarcasm, you will live a life of superficial relationships. You may be surrounded by people, but you will be lonely. People will get tired of you, or trade you in for someone just a bit more sarcastic than you. I love to laugh and have a good time.  Some things are funny. God has a sense of humor (just look in the mirror). But life must go much deeper than a few chuckles and a dose of sarcasm for friendships that last.

            Finally, Aristotle observes a rarer, better, most desirable form of friendship. This is a friendship of virtue. This friendship lasts, because it stands on the foundation of character.  Such a friendship has its basis in a common core of virtuous living, of a common understanding of good.  It is the friendship you see in Jonathan and David in Scripture. It is the friendship I have enjoyed with people like John Avant, Ron Barker, Jerry Sutton, and more than any other, with Michelle. You do not need a truckload of friends like that. But you need some.  Paul had such friends. He rarely traveled alone on his missionary journeys.  Even Paul needed such friends. And so do you.

            Do you have a friend, or a few friends, with whom you share more than laughs, a video game, or some common space?  Do you have friends who share your convictions, who push you closer to Jesus? If not, your very friends, even those who call themselves followers of Jesus, could shipwreck your faith. Be careful, and be wise.  Life is long and often hard, and you will need some good friends to navigate those waters. But if you are not careful, the very friends you choose could turn your passionate voyage for Christ into yet one more spiritual version of the Titanic.  I pray whoever reads this will appreciate and long for friends who have virtue.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 8:26 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.