Sage Wisdom, Uncommon Advice
I travel a lot. Ministry keeps me busy. And, I do have a day job. I also take a day off every week which keeps me sane.
When Josh was born I recall well being concerned about the danger of sacrificing my family on the altar of ministry. I never believed you had to choose one or the other. I have watched many minister’s kids grow up to resent ministry. I always believed (and still do) that my family is my ministry.
When I came to SEBTS Josh was starting first grade and Hannah was a toddler. I knew part of my calling and part of my responsibility at Southeastern would involve travel, preaching, teaching, encouraging in evangelism. I love doing that, but I did not want our kids to grow up resenting either Jesus or ministry because Dad was gone a lot. Thankfully, I have had total control of my traveling schedule, so those seasons when I felt I needed to be around more I could make that choice.
I asked my president at the time of our coming to SEBTS, Paige Patterson, for advice about balancing my love for my family and my love for serving Jesus. He gave me some incredible advice. Okay, he has given me incredible advice often over the years. But this is the best.
“Alvin,” he grumbled with his characteristic guttural tone “Find what your children love to do and do it with them, and they will forgive you when you are away.” Sage wisdom. Uncommon advice.
From that day until now I have paid much attention to what our children love. Of course that would not be enough if it weren’t for having an amazing wife. Michelle and I share a call from God. My ministry is not my ministry; it is ours. Sometimes I don’t want to go anywhere, I would rather stay home. Michelle reminds me of the call of God, and that she and the children will be fine while I am gone.
I gave up playing golf pretty much from Dr. Patterson’s advice till now. Neither Josh nor Hannah have been interested in the sport. I have limited spare time, so in that spare time we mostly do what they prefer. I have spent much time at Carolina ball games (that would be North Carolina for you misguided friends from south of the border) with Josh. I have spent a lot of money for said games. It has been a great investment. I have been to more than a few professional games as well. We have spent a ton on drums (Josh is a drummer). And, I have been so at the mall so many times with Hannah. I have shopped more in the past four years than in my life combined until then it seems. And I have enjoyed it. I have learned to love what they love and to do it with them. And as Dr. Patterson said, they have never resented ministry or my travel. In fact, they now often go with me, and love to travel themselves. So, what could have been a negative—all my travel—has become a blessing, as they have been more places and seen more things than most people their age. We can spend our lives complaining about what seem to be obstacles or we can turn them into great opportunities for growth.
Choices we make have consequences. Many of them are unintended. One of the wonderful, unintended consequences of my decision to do with our children what they love are these: 1) Josh loves music. He loves to play the drums. 2) Hannah loves to travel. She goes with me several times a year. Nearly a third of the events I do in a year involve Josh and a band ministering with me. Not a year goes by but that Hannah goes with me on plane trips to suffer for the Lord in places like Orlando and Nashville. Imagine that: I tried all their lives to do with our children what they love, and now they love to do with me what I love.
I know this is a special season of life, and before we know it both of our children will be on their way and on their own, following Christ to wherever He leads. What a great joy it is to sit on the back deck with my wife (this is what she loves—sit on the deck and watch the birds and talk about life and family) and reflect how God has given us a son starting college and a daughter entering high school, both of whom love Jesus, love the gospel, and love to minister to others. This summer Hannah went on her first mission trip to Connecticut and loved it (next summer it is off to Thailand with me). Josh and I have done five camps together in three states, and it has been a blast.
This week Josh and Hannah and the band travel with me to Florida to do a youth camp. How I love doing a whole camp with my kids and with the musicians with which God has blessed me. Michelle is enjoying a rare few days to herself, before the whirl that follows (volleyball camp for Hannah, college registration for Josh, and my typical frenzy). She loves being a mom. She was born for it. But the calm before the storm of busyness is nice.
I will spend the last week of July with our children being blessed to see God change lives with a great church at a great camp. Why? In no small part because of some great advice given to me by a mentor over twelve years ago. If you are a parent, find what your kids love to do and do it with them. If you are not, find somebody else and do what they love. The world does not revolve around you. When you give yourself to those you love, you will find plenty of blessings for you to enjoy.