This past week in my Foundations of Student Ministry Class (which is huge by the way and really encourages me for the future) I talked about the rise of adolescence and its damaging impact on student ministry and on men. I wrote about this in Raising the Bar, a book challenging the status quo of student ministry. I have often felt like a lone voice in the wilderness other than my colleague and Greek scholar David Alan Black, whose book the Myth of Adolescence I quote often in my own.
Along comes Darrin Patrick. I have gotten to know Darrin fairly well the last few years. We have met a few times, I have worshiped at Journey with my son Josh, and we have had him on our campus. He is one of the more thoughtful young leaders I have met, not only theologically, but also in terms of his understanding of both conventional and novel networks of churches.
Darrin has a new book. You should buy it. It is called Church Planter: The Man, the Message, the Mission. You can order it here. This book, like any great book, does more than simply cover the subject. It teaches, and it teaches beyond the practical tools or even the theological core needed for planting a church. Darrin is passionate about the same problem I see, that too many young adult men are simply not. Men, that is. Our culture and too often the church, and in particular the brokenness existing in so many homes, has created a circumstance in which becoming a biblical man is about as easy as climbing Mt Everest on one leg.
Darrin blogged from the preface of his book about a new kind of person he calls neither a boy or a man. He calls him a Ban. Here is some of what he said, but you can read it all here. He writes in part:
“We live in a world full of males who have prolonged their adolescence.
They are neither boys nor men. They live suspended between childhood and
adulthood, between growing up and being a grown-up.
“Let’s call this kind of male Ban, a hybrid of both man and boy. This kind
of male is everywhere, including the church and even vocational ministry.
“Ban is a frightening reality in the church, but he is the best thing that
ever happened to the video game and porn industries.
* Half of American males between the ages of 18 to 34 play video games
every day—for almost 3 hours.
* The average video game buyer is 35 years old.
* Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography, 28,258 Internet
users view pornography, and 372 Internet users type adult search terms
into search engines.
* To no one’s surprise, men make up nearly 75% of Internet pornography
traffic.
“Our society is overrun with males who aren’t men. Assuming the
responsibilities of husband and father makes a boy into a man, but Ban
doesn’t like responsibility so he extends his adolescence and sets his
focus squarely and supremely on himself.
“These “man-wannabes” must learn how to progress toward manhood and become
what David Gilmore calls “real men.” Real men “give more than they take…
are generous, even to the point of sacrifice.” Being a man is about being
tough and tender.
“The lack of godly men in our world is now a cultural crisis. We are not
going to solve the problem by ignoring Ban and hoping that he eventually
grows up. We are not going to solve the problem by encouraging women to
take up the slack. We might solve the problem by modeling biblical manhood and calling adult boys to forsake their youthful lusts and become the men that God is
calling them to be. We have Bans in our city, our neighborhoods, our churches, and our families. Ban needs godly men and women to show him that there is more to
life than what he is currently experiencing. Ban needs to be more than
just a male. He needs to be becoming God’s man who is being transformed by
God’s gospel message and is wholeheartedly pursuing God’s mission.”
I could not agree more. I noted just Thursday in class how my generation has created a culture that makes Michael Jackson a pop icon. His tragic life epitomizes adolescence in action: he lived on a ranch called Never Land. You know, the place where kids never grow up. He did not see the problem of sleeping with young boys. Why? He wanted to be Peter Pan. We see the same in Bill Clinton, who as president of the United States had oral sex with a woman young enough to be his daughter. That is juvenile delinquent behavior, and do not think only Democrats do that.
We need to ban the acceptance of Ban. We must confront this cultural reality head on. I am grateful for men like Darrin who will help to do just that.
